I started back to work, and lets just say the first day was quite possibly the hardest day I've ever had! We are so blessed that W is getting to stay with one of my dear friends in Troy, Leslie, so I know with out a doubt he is being loved all day long! Luke, her little boy, showers him with lots of sweet kisses, helps feed him his bottle and loves to rock him! I hope they grow up to be great friends! :) Well, despite leaving him with Leslie, I cried all day long, there wasn't enough tissue boxes at Troy Elementary! I was an emotional, sobbing mess! My students whispered everything to me that day...I think they thought I would have a meltdown at any moment! (unfortunately, that didn't last...they were back to normal the next day! ha!) It has and it hasn't gotten easier to leave him. I guess for now it's the norm, so we are getting used to it....but only 6 more weeks until summer!!!
I have a whole new respect for "working moms"...I feel like most nights are pretty chaotic and just a race to get ready for the next day! B and I have realized how easy "life" can get in the way....of our walk with the Lord, our marriage, our heart's attitude, and the list could go on. I am daily thankful that my partner in life is a man who loves the Lord more than me, who wants to be obedient and lead our family in God's plan and not ours! I just can't imagine not having someone who desires those things....again, I'm blessed by him.
This past month has definitely put so much into perspective for us...March brought a hurt to my heart like I've never really experienced. A dear friend of ours and her sweet baby boy were killed in a tragic car accident. To this day, my heart is torn for her precious husband and family. It's so hard to see pain in this world, but my heart rejoices that this is not our home, our home is with the Lord! This has been a truth that Bryant and I have clung to over the past month. We have seen the Lord as a refuge and comfort for our friends, and my prayer is that He would use Brittany and Shep's life to bring Him glory...and I know that He will.
I have always asked "why?" when something horrible happens...but this tragedy brought again a new perspective. We may never know this side of heaven "why" but I trust that God's sovereign hand was holding this accident. I know that through Him healing will come and souls will be saved.
It overwhelms me that when we take our first breath, the Savior who knitted us together, knows the exact date we will take our last. It was a hard truth to soak up, especially holding a sleeping baby boy that I couldn't imagine taking his last breath...but I am a child of God and William has been given to me by Him, my hope is not in the world, and I should long to be with our Father, our true home. Our pastor put death into perspective, it's a curse. When Adam and Eve ate from the tree, God cursed the Earth...and death is a part of that. Thankfully, Christ has conquered death, but until he returns we will experience it here on Earth. What a mighty Savior we serve! To know one day, there will be no more death, sorrow, tears, etc. Oh, to long for that day!
When I think of death, I think I will be an old woman who dies in my sleep....this may be the case, but so often it's not. We are not promised tomorrow or our next breath. We live in the Bible Belt Capital and my fear is that we "know" who Jesus is, but we don't have a relationship with Him. When a tragedy like this hits, we all start examining our salvation, which Paul tells us to do in scripture (examine yourselves to see if you are in the faith)..where would we go if this were us? Of course, we say heaven...but, the reality is...even the demons "knew" who God was...but they were not His. Does our life show that we are His? My prayer is that I will be bold in sharing Christ, that my life would daily exemplify a life that is not my own, and that my hope would not be in this world...that it would be in Christ alone.
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